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The Double Edged Sword: Maintaining Boundaries In Rapport

By: Kenrick Cleveland..

"It is the business of thought to define things, to find the boundaries; thought, indeed, is a ceaseless process of definition. It is the business of art to give things shape." -Vance Palmer

If you've ever been in one of my classes or read any of my articles, you already know how I feel about rapport: it's absolutely mandatory and its benefits are innumerable. And yet, there is a downside to rapport. I learned this early, and it was a tough lesson.

As a young man I sold encyclopedias from door-to-door. I'd go into a person's house and immediately begin the process of gaining rapport with them. I'd learn about their families, their kids, their jobs, and all of the things that were going on in their lives.

One of the visits I made was in Washington, in a little town that was having some difficult times financially. I had no idea about the depressed economy before I started working the area, and by the time I had figured it out, I had booked a room and made the travel plans, etc. so I had to make some sales. It wasn't easy to get the appointments, that's for sure. And when I finally did have a sit down with a prospect and gain that rapport, I'd eventually get to the big question: 'Do you see the value in what I've shown you so far?'

'Absolutely. I see the value. These are really great books.'

'And can you see with our answering service how your child will have help answering all of their questions? And couldn't you also see yourself using these books as well?'

'Absolutely. I'd love to use these and I know my children would benefit immensely.'

'Great, well, let's get you started.'

'I'd love to, but with the mill closing. . .' uh oh. Then they went into their story.

I was in such deep rapport with them that after they'd get done telling me their story, I'd buy into it; I'd almost be in tears.

'Of course, I understand. You know, we can always come back at some later time in the future, we'll be able to come in when you do have some money, when you're able to get back to work.'

And, I did this day, after day, after day. Until I realized, all of a sudden, oops, I think this is kind of hurting me, and what I did, one day, is I didn't have as much rapport, or so I thought, didn't have nearly as much, but they liked the materials so well and even though they didn't have the money, they said they were going to go ahead and buy it.

After they'd bought it, they told me their story about how the mill had closed, and how they weren't working, but their kids were the most important thing to them that even though they didn't have the money, their kids were most important and they were going to do it.

This was a revelation for me to hear. Despite their unemployment, they were not going to allow them to suffer because of their financial situation, and they would do whatever it took in order to get their kids the education they needed.

What this story does illustrate is that I realized if you jump into rapport with somebody and get in there really deep, and you forget about your outcome, then what happens is you become putty in their hands, instead of the other way around. We want the affluent to be putty in our hands.

Keep this in mind: maintain your outcome, your intention, what it is that you want to have happen and set that strongly in your mind no matter what they have to say to you.

Intention is what makes these skills so powerful. Your intention is not to make new friends, your intention is to sell.

What is your intention? How are you maintaining boundaries and defining rapport?

Article Source: http://www.gcyarticles.com

Kenrick Cleveland teaches techniques to earn the business of affluent prospects using persuasion. He runs public and private seminars and offers home study courses and coaching programs in persuasion techniques.

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